menagerie of animals

I am currently intensely jealous of my pets. I find myself watching my cavoodle for insider tips as she bends easily into the 'downward facing dog' pose approximately ten times a day.  I have never really noticed before, however now I am constantly moving into this pose in my classes, I find myself watching her, almost willing her to move into this position. She always obliges and I am starting to think she is simply showing off her skills. My fat cat (my husband prefers the term big boned), usually not an animal you would study for physical movement, even has the 'cat pose' down pat. In my limited experience cat pose is usually linked to cow pose in yoga classes and if you have seen my cat, I like to think this is no coincidence. Way back in India, animals were observed in nature, noted for their particular abilities and accomplishments. To imitate these qualities was considered a high sign of spiritual enlightenment. Whilst practising yoga, you are required to 'be' an animal - some other poses I am currently learning are - supported pigeon pose, crow pose, scorpion pose and even frog pose. I find these names reassuring and often pretend I am a cow in a paddock or a scorpion resting on a rock whilst moving into the poses. I also sometimes have the urge to meow or moo.

I scoffed when I heard people say they are addicted to yoga. I scoff no more. I am so addicted I am considering putting a post on trip advisor to see if there any yoga studio's nearby whilst I am on holiday in Italy. Is this bad? I think it is definitely a sign of addictive behaviour. Amendment: my husband has just kindly pointed out that if there were classes, they would be in Italian. Unless I have the ability to learn animal names in Italian (I don't) yoga classes whilst in Italy is not going to happen. I am going to investigate putting a yoga dvd on my ipad and doing some mini classes in my hotel rooms. Or perhaps I could decamp to the local piazza and do some mountain poses near the fountain whilst licking my gelati cone?

I am so addicted I find myself edging towards the yoga magazine section in my local news agency. I haven't yet succumbed and bought one, however I have stolen glances at fellow yogini's (yes, this is what we are called apparently) flipping through these magazines and watched in envy as they have purchased these magazines and stride off to no doubt sip green tea. I have no idea what is in a yoga magazine but am sure they would induce a feeling of calm whilst flicking through the pages.

I am so addicted to yoga I am now rearranging my social calendar around my yoga classes. This is a first for me as usually exercise is the first thing to be cancelled in favor of drinking, eating or doing nothing. If I miss a class I get tetchy (ready crabby) and my husband now casually drops into the conversation 'Oh, you have to miss your class on Tuesday night? I think there's a yoga flow on Wednesday morning if you check the schedule but I'm just guessing'. My husband realises the benefits of yoga - happy calm yogini=peaceful untroubled home life.

It's not me, it's you

I cheated on my yogi and then broke up with him saying it was his fault. It had all started when I decided to go further afield and try another studio just for something different. Having three alternative ones within walking distance, I easily found a class I could attend. Walking into the studio, I noticed the following - all the cool kids come here, everyone has totally smokin' bodies (even the granny who was surely over 65) and there is a multitude of 'yoga accessories'. Now, I don't know about you but I love accessories and this studio has them all - blankets (three different types thank you), sunny aqua bolsters (shame on you for not knowing what a bolster is), ropes (for skipping maybe?), purple blocks and spare mats to put under your own mat for extra comfort on the hard wooden floors (genius people). Plus, there was dimmed lights and music drifting quietly in the background. I was hooked before the class had even began. The teacher came in and I quickly realised I was fixated on a new yogi. She has this lilting sing-song voice that I swear is not annoying, and she smiles. Always. Plus, I want her glutes. Who said I was easily distracted by new bright shiny objects? That night, I went home exhilarated and emailed my old yogi stating I was no longer going there as I found his teaching style to be stressful and it wasn't for me.

My new yoga studio is awesome. So awesome that everyone else has figured this out and the classes are crowded. I have to get there 15 minutes early to ensure I get my favourite spot.  Second back row, second in from the right hand wall. OCD anyone? I'm not how I would cope if I was to find someone in my spot. I like this spot because it is a 'blind spot'. Blind spot you say? Yes, it is one of the few spots in the studio where you are not directly in front of a mirror which means I can move freely and bask in the fake knowledge that I am moving with grace and poise without seeing the harsh reality the mirrors have to offer. The other benefit of arriving early is I can make sure I have all the accessories. I never actually use all the accessories - I get too hot to use the blanket and I have no idea what the block is for; but I like to have them and watch others walk in late (5 minutes before class is late in my book peoples) and anxiously realise there are no more accessories. I  like to lovingly stroke said items and smile sadly, with a hint of knowing, at the people that are obviously going to A) freeze to death in the relaxation pose as I use my blanket as a pillow and B) not be able to reach their full yoga potential. Am I petty? I like to think I'm simply on time.

After a couple of classes I realise my bag is all wrong. My yoga mat is able to go incognito, however my bag just doesn't feel right. It's too sporty and practical. I try out a handbag. Too corporate. Not yoga enough. Like a miracle from the bag gods, one arrives in the mail as a gift. A sling bag hand made in Peru made out of a recycled burlap bag. It's so perfect. It screams "I am in touch with my inner chakra energy and this bag helps me achieve oneness with my body".  I like to gaily swing it as I walk home so people can whisper behind their hands - 'Look how calm and relaxed that woman is - it must be that magical bag'. At the end of tonights class I feel I have come so far. I am more flexible, I am not the worst in the class and I feel great. Grabbing my shoes, I attempt to expertly balance on one foot whilst I tie up my shoe laces and instantly topple over like a tree. I exit the studio and promptly sign up for a six week beginners course starting this week. I still have a long way to go and did I mention that my shoes are also all wrong for an aspiring Yoga goddess?