All yoga classes start and end with a Namaste greeting. I now know it is considered very bad form not to participate in this salutation. How do I know this? Because I had no idea what this word 'Namaste' meant and continued to nod my head in a 'I don't speak any foreign languages and therefore am not required to participate' kind of way. My yogi finally cracked and explained to me that when Namaste is uttered with a slight bow made with the hands pressed together, palms touching and fingers pointed upwards in front of the chest and I ignore it - this is akin to to me not learning someone's name. I looked at him sharply and wondered.
In my private tuition class (I so don't have children do I?), I was once again in a state of angst over my inability to remember the poses in the correct order. To my horror, yogi explained to me that the sequence I am currently struggling to learn in a ninety minute private tuition class is only the first SEVEN minutes of a NINETY minute sequence. Gulp. I am doomed. How can I possibly do ninety minutes of different memorised poses? Surely that is too much? I wistfully said aloud I wished there were pictures on the wall. Yogi smiled and said he agreed some art would be nice. I corrected him and said I wished for stick figures depicting my poses in numbered order. What's wrong with that?
You will be pleased to know that my yogi is quite smart and tried to trip me up regarding his name. Very subtly he stated "You don't know my name, do you?". For the approximate five seconds I had to respond I went into a state of panic and was already justifying why I never have to return. My response was to calmly state that of course I knew his name, I just didn't know how to pronounce it. This seemed to satisfy him and he explained patiently his name was Bill. Just kidding. Imagine if it was. Now, that would have been embarrassing.
My current favourite pose is the 'Warrior Pose'. This is quite a well known pose and is my favourite for two reasons. Firstly, because I learnt it is based on a reincarnation of Shiva bla bla bla wearing a tiger's skin. This particular part of the five minute explanation is the only part I actually listened to and as I move into this pose, I always picture myself with a tiger's skin around my shoulders at a somewhat jaunty angle. The other reason I love this pose is because every time we do it, yogi demands we picture our worst enemy and give them a 'Don't fuck with me' evil stare. Any pose in yoga that involves swearing I am instantly drawn to. I hope there are more ahead for me to learn.
Moving every so gracefully through my poses - okay I was not graceful and I was not moving - yogi suddenly disappeared and returned saying to the teacher in training: 'Yeah, I think it is too far to go if you have to suddenly vomit'. Excuse me, did I hear you correctly? Yet another symptom of yoga (it's starting to look more and more like an illness if you ask me) is vomiting. The other day a girl started to feel nauseous and running out to the bathroom she didn't make it in time. I scoffed, assuming she was some hardcore yoga person who was doing some kind of intense yoga. No, this was not the case and it happens to a lot of people including my yogi. Except when yogi vomits, he only vomits out all the bad energy. His words not mine. Lucky for me, I have permission to vomit in the kitchenette sink if I need to. Good to know.
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