I cheated on my yogi and then broke up with him saying it was his fault. It had all started when I decided to go further afield and try another studio just for something different. Having three alternative ones within walking distance, I easily found a class I could attend. Walking into the studio, I noticed the following - all the cool kids come here, everyone has totally smokin' bodies (even the granny who was surely over 65) and there is a multitude of 'yoga accessories'. Now, I don't know about you but I love accessories and this studio has them all - blankets (three different types thank you), sunny aqua bolsters (shame on you for not knowing what a bolster is), ropes (for skipping maybe?), purple blocks and spare mats to put under your own mat for extra comfort on the hard wooden floors (genius people). Plus, there was dimmed lights and music drifting quietly in the background. I was hooked before the class had even began. The teacher came in and I quickly realised I was fixated on a new yogi. She has this lilting sing-song voice that I swear is not annoying, and she smiles. Always. Plus, I want her glutes. Who said I was easily distracted by new bright shiny objects? That night, I went home exhilarated and emailed my old yogi stating I was no longer going there as I found his teaching style to be stressful and it wasn't for me.
My new yoga studio is awesome. So awesome that everyone else has figured this out and the classes are crowded. I have to get there 15 minutes early to ensure I get my favourite spot. Second back row, second in from the right hand wall. OCD anyone? I'm not how I would cope if I was to find someone in my spot. I like this spot because it is a 'blind spot'. Blind spot you say? Yes, it is one of the few spots in the studio where you are not directly in front of a mirror which means I can move freely and bask in the fake knowledge that I am moving with grace and poise without seeing the harsh reality the mirrors have to offer. The other benefit of arriving early is I can make sure I have all the accessories. I never actually use all the accessories - I get too hot to use the blanket and I have no idea what the block is for; but I like to have them and watch others walk in late (5 minutes before class is late in my book peoples) and anxiously realise there are no more accessories. I like to lovingly stroke said items and smile sadly, with a hint of knowing, at the people that are obviously going to A) freeze to death in the relaxation pose as I use my blanket as a pillow and B) not be able to reach their full yoga potential. Am I petty? I like to think I'm simply on time.
After a couple of classes I realise my bag is all wrong. My yoga mat is able to go incognito, however my bag just doesn't feel right. It's too sporty and practical. I try out a handbag. Too corporate. Not yoga enough. Like a miracle from the bag gods, one arrives in the mail as a gift. A sling bag hand made in Peru made out of a recycled burlap bag. It's so perfect. It screams "I am in touch with my inner chakra energy and this bag helps me achieve oneness with my body". I like to gaily swing it as I walk home so people can whisper behind their hands - 'Look how calm and relaxed that woman is - it must be that magical bag'. At the end of tonights class I feel I have come so far. I am more flexible, I am not the worst in the class and I feel great. Grabbing my shoes, I attempt to expertly balance on one foot whilst I tie up my shoe laces and instantly topple over like a tree. I exit the studio and promptly sign up for a six week beginners course starting this week. I still have a long way to go and did I mention that my shoes are also all wrong for an aspiring Yoga goddess?
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